Ramadan Diaries 2021

 Hijri 1442 Ramadan 2021

Day 1 As usual no interest in tarawih

Day 2 not reading tahajjud

Day 3 busy in office affairs

Day 4 laziness

Day 5 late night browsing

Day 6 not reading sunnah salah except fajr & witr

Day 7 read witr in tahajjud time

Day 8 not reading Qur'an regularly

Day 9 not having proper sex as planned

Day 10 it shattered me to know that establishing khilafah is not the main goal. now I am in hollow way.

Day 11 came to know that I totally accountable for my deviations not wasawis

Day 12 started blogging for self valuation 

Day 13  before sehr I spilled the seeds voluntarily. I had headache all night and I thought to relieve the pressure I did it. I didn't repented yet for what I did. I also watched addiction in the phone last night. Nafs has lot of control over me as it should be in reverse. I hope I could overcome it for the month.

Day 14 Resolved to fight my instincts to addiction. Sacrifice is inevitable. Hope to control urges. 

Day 15  Today was a normal day but there is no improvement in Ibadah not even sunnah salah were read

Day 16 yesterday night insisted to sleep alone and after midnight fall watched things

Day 17  today it started from evening itself it is nearing midnight I am still browsing. How short I have fallen and how addicted I am. I need serious help

Day 18

Day 19 

Day 20

Day 21

Day 22

Day 23

Day 24 I spent night time with my spouse twice so I was not tempted for browsing

Day 25 Not much ibaadah these days just not eating food and playing lot of games

Day 26 yesterday I was browsing and got a chance with my spouse so browsing seemed boring after that

Day 27

Day 28

Day 29

Day 30 things were fine cause I spent time with my spouse

Eid night was without temptation but the next night I was like a beast had no control, I was like non stop as if I am a non believer.

The next night I was with more temptation and didn't sleep and browsed all night.

This day I made with my spouse even though temptation were until I fapped again.

Oh Lord please help me

Help came I was tranquil for some days

Then inner evil starts temptation without any reason